he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
