I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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