are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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