Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
