The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
