We're like a lot better than the average bears
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
