I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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