He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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