When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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