Apparently you make a good broom.
I have demons in me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
