good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
