he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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