you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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