I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
this is an emotional support booty call
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
