Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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