I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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