Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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