I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
