She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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