i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
