Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize