Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
