my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
