I just saw a hot homeless man
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
