it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
