I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The Olympian is in my bed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want a musical about memes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
