My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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