She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
