She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
