Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
