Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
