Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
