I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
