i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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