dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
