Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
