i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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