PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
