I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
