Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
