I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
