My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
