Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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