i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
