I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
