At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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