One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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