and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
