Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
