no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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