i think my mom watched the whole time
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
